New Year rhymes

Which Year?

A new year's here,
but what happened to the last?

I lost track a while back
when the last '19' went past.




New-Year Old-Year Solutions

New Year resolutions!
What shall I do?
Those from last year
still in the queue.
Find solutions
for all those resolutions -
and this time see them through!



New Year; Old War

In 1914 there was war.
In 2014 there is more.
What was it for? What IS it for?
Nobody ever seems sure.




Waiting Up for Midnight

I'm trying to stay awake.
If I drop off, give me a shake.
Hours to go before tomorrow
and who knows whose hands to shake?





All poems by Kate Williams.
Copyright: Kate Williams. All rights reserved.


Details of performances, workshops & published work @ poemsforfun.wordpress.com .

Christmas poems for perusing...

Hello and Happy Boxing Day!

Just in case anyone out there is twiddling their thumbs in the aftermath of Christmas Day, or has missed my previous posts, this is to mention (again) my Christmas-time and winter poems and rhymes - mostly humorous - on all pages here, with more (+ same) on my website blog: poemsforfun.wordpress.com .

Sympathy to all those flooded over Christmas! I shall be adding a rhyme about that too, later. At least we have a bit of crispy sparkle today... or did.

Deck the hall with sponge and bucket:
'tis the season to get flood-hit.

Kate

Christmassy & wintry poems for kids

Hello,

Having finally waded through the Christmas card-sending chore - I mean delight - and crawled out on the other side (just about), I've at last caught up a bit with my kids' page, and added some of my more Christmassy and wintry poems, with more to come.

They're best for older children or keen young readers, or for reading out loud. Adults usually enjoy my kids' poems too, so - who knows? - they could come in handy for family fun over Christmas! Perhaps they'll spur some ideas for a family verse or two as well! Or some illustrations for mine?

More to be found on my website, poemsforfun.wordpress.com. Click Kate Williams Poetry at top for all my run-up-to-Christmas poems through December and before. (See archived posts at side.)

Christmassy couplets tend to crop up in my Twitter offerings too, along with general pre-Christmas comments, positive and... well, let's face it, shall we, we're all stressed out, aren't we? See Twitter @Katypoet.


Feedback and comments welcome!

Wildlife Poems - book for kids...

Does your child like short, punchy poems? Atmospheric ones about foxes trekking through moonlit snow? Silly ones about dancing - oops! - slipping penguins? Fascinating ones about creatures hibernating under layers of snow? Then here's a book for their Christmas stocking:

Wildlife Poems (by me, Kate Williams)

£4.50 inc. post and packaging for UK orders. Best for older children - approx. age 8-12. (No illustrations - but see bright, crazy cover!)


To order: 

Order direct from me via my email: katewilliams.poetry@gmail.com .

Details: 

See Book (for kids) on my website for details.


Reviews & comments:

Congratulations on producing such a fine-looking book. Superior, I would say, to some published by the large presses. Roger McGough

These poems move quickly down the page like animals might, unleashing rhymes and rhythms everywhere.
Ian McMillan (poet, broadcaster, journalist and playwright)

Kate Williams finds a subject, gives it a twist and hey presto, that little bit of magic a poem needs is conjured up. Brian Moses (poet)

The book is a triumph … light of touch, with wonderful verbal imagery and playfulness throughout. Editor: Funny Poems (www.funny-poems.co.uk)

… well-crafted poems with a diverse range of forms, inventiveness of language, and clever employment of rhyme … always under total control.Graham Denton (poet, anthologist, and editor of Hands Up Books)




Sample poems from the book:

Monkeying Around

Trampolining, tree to tree,
bungee-jumping – look at me!

Backwards, sideways, upside down,
doing the dare-devil, acting the clown!

Swinging, leaping…
whoops, just missed…
saved myself with a mid-air twist!

Hanging down by my little toe…
oh…
and meeting two eyes
below.




Nature Walk

Slid in sludge,
flat on belly.
Stank my scarf,
sank a wellie.
Friends all laughed,
called me Smelly,
sent me off to have a bath
while they watched telly.




Polar Pyjamas

Pillow-puffy,
cushion-fluffy,
the dozy cubs twitch sleepy feet,
cosy, cuddly, snuggly and nice
between blanket and sheet
of snow and ice.




Jaguars and Jaguars

People think I have four wheels,
and another one too, to sit behind.
They think I go brmm, brmm, toot, toot!
But they'll find,
should they meet me one dark night,
that I'm a jag of a junglier kind -
not that I'd mind, but they might.




More on my website: poemsforfun.wordpress.com - Book (for kids) page.

Copyright:
All poems on this page and site are copyright Kate Williams. If you wish to use any for any commercial or public use, please contact me first. Thank you.

Kate

 

Xmas travel rhymes & rants...

Going away this Christmas? If so, it's time to start planning your journey.For a start, how are you travelling? If by train, have you rung the train enquiries call centre to check out the timetable, engineering works, likelihood of snow of a 'different kind' or any other potential causes of delay? When I say 'rung' them, I mean 'got through to anyone'  - you know, waited long enough to get an answer? Ah, you did wait long enough for someone to answer, but they still didn't? Hmm, well, how about just getting yourself down to the station and having a listen to the latest announcements - if you can hear them through that departing goods train?


Passenger announcement


The train due in at Platform One,
from Nottingham, has not begun.

The train due in at Platform Two
has been divided into two.

The train due in at Platform Three
has broken down at Coventry.

The train due in at Platform Four,
to Crewe, passed through an hour before.

The train due in at Platform Five
is cancelled, and will not arrive.

The train due in at Platform Six
is in a siding being fixed.

The train due in at Platform Seven
is approaching Platform Eleven.

The train due in at Platform Eight
will be 40 minutes late...
50, 60, two hours late...
will terminate at Billingsgate.
Passengers who wish to wait,
please check screen for next due date.


(By me, Kate Williams)


Well, how about jumping in the car, then? Oh, in the garage again, is it? After last Christmas's floods and snow drifts and ice and fog and hurricanes, no doubt. Expensive business, weather.

Costly things, cars are!


Driving, driving, driving car
down to garage - just that far.

Car up ramp; me down bank:
know the verdict though not heard it -
Oo! Ow! Aah!


(By me, Kate Williams)

But if your car's actually in one piece, driving should be no problem - apart from the inevitable Christmas delays, and another round of those so-called 'global warming' symptoms. So, next step: check out the post code of your destination, key it into your SatNav, and test it out. Mine is usually a route or two behind, for some mysterious reason, resulting in orders to 'turn left at Orchard Avenue' or 'right at The Crescent' mid-motorway run, or the reverse, to 'continue 11 miles on M4' while I'm actually negotiating a maze of high-hedged country tracks. But keep on the right side of her (or him): they have strong personalities, these SatNav voices, and moods too, if you ask me. Minds of their own anyway: that's a cert.

Sat Nag

'Turn right at the junction - RIGHT, I say! '
(Can't you see, I've chosen a different way?)

'Humph! ... Re-calculating! ' says she.
(I've pulled in for petrol. Leave me be!)

'Please do a U-turn - a U-TURN, I said! '
(Please YOU turn 3-D, for a clout on the head!)

(By me, Kate Williams)



Well, there's always the old bus - if you're not going too far - or is there?


Buses  (scroll down to bottom of 'Humorous' page)

Lunch till tea: no sign whatever...
Then a bunch of three in a line together.

(By me, Kate Williams)



Or stay at home?

Have a lovely Christmas, wherever you are!

More winter travel poems and Christmassy rhymes @ poemsforfun.wordpress.com


Kate

Christmas shopping decisions

Modern hassles versus old ones

Here we are in 2013 - well into the 21st century now, and Christmas shopping isn't getting any easier, is it. Sure, we can order all our presents for everyone online from the comfort of our fireside armchairs, and have them delivered to the doorstep - those of us with computers and a handy stay-home relative or friend to sign for those deliveries, so what's the problem? No more city-centre trudges! What could possibly be wrong with that?

Well, for a start, only some of us have computers and parcel-signers. But before we even get to that stage, what do we order? The range of choice is becoming overwhelming - even more so since I wrote 'Decisions in the Food Hall' (4th poem down, 'Humorous' page).


But even before you step foot (or keypad click) into that ocean of online choice, there's the matter of what sort of gift to surf for, a specially daunting one for folk like me of a certain age trying to buy for youngsters. The younger generation are all into IT, of course, of which I know next to nothing: they all want something with an i in it, like an ipad or an ipod or an iphone or an - I dunno.

As for the older generation - well, they've got everything already, haven't they?  Many times over. They're up to their chins in socks and soaps from the last several decades, mostly still in their wrappers, and you can't even throw a box of chocs at them these days because they're all on diets - or claim to be anyway.

And then there are those worthy friends with consciences: those who, quite rightly, would reject any gift whose manufacture cannot be proved to be entirely fair for all involved, including the beetle it was tested on. Yes, all absolutely right and proper, but.

But for those of us who do still face the city swarms and stagger back to our distantly parked cars weighed down with items we bought at our wits' ends at prices only envisaged in nightmares, Christmas shopping isn't one iota easier than it ever was, surely - worse if anything, especially with our innovative 21st century eradication of that quaint old thing - the parking space.

Then, back home at last and on the verge of collapse, there's the wrapping up. Has anyone invented a gift-wrapping machine yet? If so, I haven't seen it. I could have done with it when wrapping up that fork (3rd poem down on my website post) or that plant - yes, plant.

Well, no good moaning over spilt soil!  Time to tackle those remaining question marks down me list!

Happy shopping,


Kate

Three Poetry & Music Shows

Summary of my 3 poetry show themes:

(1) The Mad Side of Modern - for all
(2) The Grim Side of Gardening - for gardening clubs
(3) Now & Then - for history societies


Now & Then is the latest, launched this week. It comprises poems, songs and anecdotes about the present and the past, about families and places, and about life styles then and now, viewed with a mix of cynical amusement and shadowy atmosphere.

All my material for all three shows is my own. I accompany my songs with classical guitar. Comedy is the aim of my first two themes, and even in the historical probings of Now & Then, cynical humour at the absurdities of our life styles through time is never lost in the shadows. 

My one-hour shows offer an extra sparkle and focus for meetings and events, as confirmed by host groups time and again. I recommend a short interval, for maximum enjoyment.

Details and feedback on my website: poemsforfun.wordpress.com (click appropriate pages).

Kate

New shows for History Societies!

Hello history societies!

I'd like to let you know about my new Now & Then poetry shows for history societies!

My one-hour entertainments comprise punchy, yet thought-provoking poems about today and yesterday, with both humour and atmosphere - you decide the balance.

My one-hour shows also include songs with classical guitar, anecdotes, commentary and chat.

Please see my website, poemsforfun.wordpress.com, Now & Then page, for details. 
Taking bookings now!


Kate

Wrapping your Xmas plant?

Wrapping Christmas parcels doesn't get any easier, however advanced and sophisticated our living standards become, it seems.  Or is it that we give odder-shaped gifts these days?

In years gone by, a book was a common present to give, and reasonably simple to wrap. But these days people don't want books; they want things with curves and angles and spikes - a pogo-stick or a yukulele or a pair of sheers with extendable handles, and if we're stuck for an idea, we may well plump for a plant - but how to wrap it... wrap it?  See 'Gift-wrapping Your Plant' for some handy tips on this. More Christmas wrapping poems on my other website, poemsforfun.wordpress.com - posts + Mad Side of Mod + Grim Side of Gardening pages.

In fact, gardening gifts tend to be tricky items when it comes to wrapping.  Forks, for instance.


Wrapping That Garden Fork

Bought some paper... and some more.
Wrapped and wrapped and - cursed bore! -
needed even more.

Wrapped the handle, wrapped the stem, 
first prong, second prong, third prong, then
something worse went wrong:
the paper tore.



Written by, and copyright of, Kate Williams

How about giving a poem instead? No wrapping! (No cost either!)




Kate

Comedy Rhyme & Song Shows

Last chance to book a Christmas Special Comedy Poetry Show!


The Mad Side of Modern or The Grim Side of Gardening are my 2 themes on offer, with bookings for each coming up, but a few spaces in between.

My 1-hour entertainments comprise short, punchy, wryly humorous poems about the ups and downs of everyday modern life - well, the downs anyway, woven together with lip-curling anecdotes and comments, and songs sung to classical guitar accompaniment (also by me). I offer an alternative version for gardening clubs, involving some of the innumerable hassles, hitches and hurdles of trying to do anything at all with your plot of mud.

Details and feedback on my website, poemsforfun.wordpress.com. Click Mad Side of Mod or Grim Side of Gardening pages.

Kate

Poems for Presents?

Recession-busting Xmas presents - poems!


Let's face it, we can't afford Christmas presents any more. And anyway, we're all agreed that the thing's got out of hand, aren't we? I've just received our village's Xmas newsletter, in which the vicar tells us all we're getting too greedy and forgetting the poor. Well, some of us are the poor, actually, and I'm switching from presents to poems this year for some of my old pals. 

A poem doesn't have to be long, rhyming, or clever in any way. The fact that it's yours, for them, will suffice. It doesn't have to be dull either. It could be:

a riddle
a joke
a parody
a complilation of shared quotes, jokes or references
a tongue-twister
a shape poem, written round a sketch
a sketch of the other kind - comedy dialogue
a haiku (3 lines, 17 syllables: 5, 7, 5)
a tanka (similar but extended)
an acrostic - you know - those ones that go down as well as across
a carol with word-changes
a famous poem with word-changes
a cartoon (dropping the poetic element?)
a crossword 
a rhyming couplet 
a song - with accompanying notes on stave, and perhaps a recording
Er... Your turn.

If you don't feel any of these would count, embellish them with a little decoration; mount them on coloured card and add ribbon, sequins, beads, sticky stars, buttons - anything you can find; wrap it up in numerous scraps of old wrapping paper/foil/envelopes and tie it up with mountains of string or ribbons; email them with accompanying artwork via 'Paint'; recite them and email recordings; do a deal, arranging a mutual creative exchange in lieu of bought gift.

If wanting rhymes, here are a few words to rhyme with 'way' (as in 'Christmastime is on the way' perhaps) to set the ball rolling:

hooray/say/pay/day/grey/delay/ebay/array/disarray/dismay/fray/obey/disobey/lay/Milktray/stay/pray/spray/chardonnay/motorway/okay/Special K/neigh/nay/no way... etc.


Have fun!

Kate

Funny poems for Christmas

Giving a plant this Christmas? Here are some presentation ideas:  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Gift-wrapping Your Plant

Ribbon tends to bend the leaves.
Sticky tape is worse.
Festive bags end up in rags,
and paper is a curse.

So leave it bare, to breathe the air,
watering lightly first…

Although, that said, if it’s dead,
or going over, by the time you hand it over,
put all that in reverse!

Wrap it after all – with ribbon and all,
and frills and bows and – who knows? – a silver ball!

Then leave it on a table with a nice, shiny label,
inscribed with a jolly little verse!

Or just give the verse.

Written by, and copyright of Kate Williams~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
More Christmas rhymes like the one below can be browsed on my Humorous page.

Comedy Poetry & Song Shows

How about a special Christmas Comedy Poetry & Song Show for your group, club, society or local gathering? See Contact, or take a look at my website page: The Mad Side of Mod (poemsforfun.wordpress.com).  

Christmas rhymes & shows

Funny Christmas rhymes

More Christmas rhymes like the one below can be browsed on my Humorous page.

Comedy Poetry & Song Shows

How about a special Christmas Comedy Poetry & Song Show for your group, club, society or local gathering? See Contact, or take a look at my website page: The Mad Side of Mod (poemsforfun.wordpress.com).  

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


What’s in a Card?

Jollity and seasonal cheer!
(We had a diabolical year.)

Sorry to hear you’re in a mess!
(Our year’s been a great success!)

Don’t know how your card came to find us.
Don’t know who you are: please remind us!

Wishing you a great New Year!
(And wishing you'd reciprocate, dear.)

Nice to hear you, to hear you nice,
but you’ve sent us your card twice.

Passing through on Christmas Day,
en route to our holiday!
See you for a chat and that -
just me and Pat - plus kids, dogs, cat...
Perhaps stay night, if that’s alright,
and share your Boxing Day!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Written by, and copyright of, Kate Williams.
All rights reserved.
Plenty more on other pages.
To discuss Comedy Poetry Shows and/or make a booking,ring 01446 760124 or email: katewilliams.poetry@gmail.com

Follow & share on Twitter @Katypoet

Christmas poems...

Christmassy poems  now available to read on Humour & Gardening pages here.

A few dates still available for pre-Christmas Comedy Poetry & Music Shows!

Interested? Ring me on 01446 760124 or email katewilliams.poetry@gmail.com .

Kate